i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
