wanna go halves on a baby?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
