I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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