No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
