In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize