Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
