he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
