I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
