didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
