She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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