I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
