I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
