I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
