there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
