Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
