Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
