i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
