I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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