Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I looked at my own cervix.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Enjoy the penises
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
