Cold hands, warm shart.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
