There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
