rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
