capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
