dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
