i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
