this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
