Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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