hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
