I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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