Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
