Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
