Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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