i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
