He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize