My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize