It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
