guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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