i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
