eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
