I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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