i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
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I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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