The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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