well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
