Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
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Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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