I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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