dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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