Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We named our party play list daddy issues
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
