i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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