Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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