so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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