her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I died a long time ago.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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