I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need to calm my uterus...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
