Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
