Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
