Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
