Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize