We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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