We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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