don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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