do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
