Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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