Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have post one night stand depression
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
