We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
