I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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