Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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