ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
