just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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