so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
