I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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