when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
