talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
