dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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