once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
