I accidentally burped into my bong.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
