my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
