I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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