What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
