my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
