There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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