I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
