Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
