New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Too much gin, very little bucket
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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